School's starting in less than a week's time & I haven't spent it in the best possible way. I've done most of the things that I had intended to, which are centred around dancing by the way, but the slightly more important ones like meeting my academic counsellor and buying / selling textbooks are still untouched. And there're people like Brendan whom I've yet to meet.

Nevertheless, the holidays has been a blast, especially with dance trainings / social dancing / mambo-ing. I've been going back to school around 4 times a week for trainings but I'm loving it. We've started learning to do stunts for salsa, and though painful, it's the fun-est thing ever! I'm looking forward to Bailamos En La Calle on the 28th Feb 'cause it's going to be my first Salsa performance! Salsa isn't as easy as it looks, especially with the turns (I felt nausea after Lionel made us to 40 turns in each direction the other day).

Moving on to Eurhythmix, we're behind time in our preparation for Funkamania. It's even more worrying now that Ryan hurt his back, and we've yet to start on Patron's Day performance. Training under Ryan is enriching - it's shown me aspects of hip hop that I never knew of despite dancing for several years now. Downside is that because we're rushed for time, we had to give up the January NS Men Jamboree & Arts Fest performance, the latter which I looked forward to.

When things get more urgent and expectations are high, tempers will flare and tongues will wag. But hang in there dancers, it always happens and it's what we've gotta go through. =)

Lastly, this goes out to a certain friend. I was obviously glad to have run into you, but your reaction has disappointed me, in addition to sms wishes and msn messages that you didn't reply. I know you're probably busy, but is it too much an effort to spare to reply or to even wave goodbye before you walked out? It probably was for you. You know, you're a great person to talk to and are charismatic as well, but your recent coldness has left me baffled. I've known your for a few years now, and if you've placed so that little a value on our supposed friendship, then I've nothing more to say. Certain people come and go, and I'm sad to say you're probably one of them now.

Christmas is the time for...


lots & lots of food



& even more presents

"My heart is a big wheel of Swiss cheese. It has large holes representing traumas from life events that have felt as harsh as death itself. As devastating as gun shot wounds, these holes have scarred me forever. Deaths--suicides--divorce--broken relationships--my failures--my mistakes and one hole after another.

The smaller holes in this wheel of Swiss cheese come from lost opportunities--lost friendships--my disappointments--those I have disappointed--grief which can’t be shared, and more. The unhappy parts of our past cannot be changed. We all carry our pain alone. Hurt and pain may never heal in time, but will rerun in our memories forever. Why we must all die a bit before we grow again, I do not know.

There have been times in my life that I have been knocked down. Like a boxer who has been knocked out, I was down and not able to get up after the referee had counted to ten. Eventually, somehow, somewhere within the depths of my being I would climb back up to face the world and to continue for another day.

You may have found a way to continue, be it a religion, a 12 step program which takes one day at a time, or some other method. There were times I did not feel that I wanted to make it to the next day. I was holding onto the ledge of this cliff by my finger tips. If I fell it would be into a deep depression. Somehow I had to learn to let go. To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and to live for the future. Live for what? You see, hearts that look like big wheels of Swiss cheese accumulate knowledge, experience and the ability to see others who are also in pain. The burden and how we react to it is handled in our own way. I was able to heal some of my own wounds by helping others who are having a difficult time handling their wounds and were trying to heal. To touch someone in need. To give love to those who surround me. Without someone to care for, I could not just live for me. I had to have a goal.

Understanding others gave me something to strive for and focus on, other than me. Thinking of others gave me a chance to heal. I realize now I’m not the only person in the world who has pain and is trying to survive. It is how we use our pain to motivate us to give happiness to others that will help heal ourselves. Thus, if you want happiness you must give happiness. If you want love you must give love. What I have learned in my struggle of surviving life’s tests is, doesn’t everyone have a heart of Swiss cheese?"

Wayne L. Misner
Excerpt From MEN CRY TOO: POEMS & PROSE
My Heart is a Wheel of Swiss Cheese

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love; listens but doesn't believe; and leaves before she is left" -- Marilyn Monroe

"when doing above average is the norm"

My cousins told me that the 'A' Levels were the hardest hurdle to cross, and after that, university life will be much more relaxed. It doesn't seem so over here at SMU. Life here is enjoyable, but I can't ignore the the competition that I eventually have to put up with.

It's daunting to know that, so what if you've done decently well for the 'A' Levels? You've worked hard for that and now you're at ground zero again. And when everyone is striving to do better than the rest, well, the same amount of effort you put in might not yield results that are just as desirable. I've got to aim to get the best that I can, and in light of this competition, it seemingly shouldn't be less than... perfection.

It ain't that different in dance too. I've prided myself in being a fast learner and a better-than-average dancer. But in Eurhythmix & Caderas I can feel a little inferior or self-conscious at times, seeing that there are people who are way better.



You thought you were good until you came here.

no amount of sorry can take back that moment in time, it is gone, lost in eternity...

I'm back.

I really need to blog. I get pensive often and I need an outlet for these thoughts.
Let's see.
It's been a while.
Since everything is gone, I have to start from scratch.
Might as well... when I moved the contents of my previous blog once, just glances of the entries about us were agonizing.
I wanted to tell my story actually.
But I don't want to rekindle those negative emotions and thoughts.
I had many questions.
But I guess moving on is learning to stop asking such questions.
Maybe someday I will tell, for the sake of a complete closure.
But for now, I'm starting a new chapter of my life.
Time to leave the emotional baggages behind.