I need some sun.
This week is good for suntanning but I have to be at Ngee Ann Poly for NRA.

By the way, NRA is so amazing.
Watched their full dress rehearsal last night.
I thought they were good at hip hop only, but I was wrong.
They did emotional pieces like lyrical jazz items based on themes of love and the death of a loved one.
My, it was so good I cried.

Back to the sun, I hope next week will be as bright.
I need to shop too.
Haven't shopped properly since the summer break, omg.
Then again, why am I surprised that I'm not so free after all.

they call this reality

Dear blog,

I feel so sad.

Sometimes I wish I can turn back time to 3 years ago. Then I would not have gotten into a relationship, would not have been haunted by all that's happened. Maybe I would have choosen a different course, maybe I would have liked it better. Maybe I would have choosen the path less taken and worked and danced more instead of going to university. I'm not unhappy with my life, but I hold regrets and I didn't used to have regrets.

I wonder if I'll eventually do something I truly enjoy for life. I wonder if the sacrificies I've made and the hard work were worth it. I wonder what I'll end up doing next time, I can't see where I'm heading and I'm scared. Can someone hold my hand? I wonder if my family will be as tight as it used to be. Or I wonder when the next family conflict will be. I'm getting tired of being strong.

I wish I could care less for the people around me. Then I would be less sad, less scared, less worried for them. So many people come and go anyway, why should I put in that much effort into relationships? I wish I can take life easier and be more carefree. I wish I can be less critical of myself. I wonder if being in this university has made me more "materialistic" and rid my ability to delight in things other than grade A's.

I miss church, I miss the people there. I really need God, I need answers. I used to be told, that I wasn't meant to worry or toil like that, that I was meant for greater things, that the Promised Land was mine. I wonder if all these are still applicable now. But even some things aren't meant to be blogged about.


Yours truly,
Fel.