Bailamos 2010 is over. In the last few weeks I couldn’t wait to get it over and done with because I found it so time consuming – with trainings thrice a week just for one item – and I wanted to focus on Intersection instead. Not forgetting the frustration and fear whenever I practiced the stunts with Jerry. But Bailamos was good. Jerry and I have great chemistry and our partner work was smooth and we nailed all our stunts nicely. :) It was my best Bailamos to date, because although this item was challenging, we managed to put up a decent show and made a good closing item out of it. The venue and programme flow was much better this time round. Also, there’s nothing more heartwarming than having the Emixers come down to support us despite being pressed for time for preparing for Intersection, especially Shiwei, who was the first in the queue! Haha. But I’m a little wistful because that might be my last time dancing in the same item as the year 4s.

Time to focus on Intersection now. It's going to be quite different from the other typical hip hop dance concerts. While it’s exciting to see things falling into place, this production has not been without it’s own ups and downs. A while back, something about this production made me upset. It’s been more or less rectified now, and I guess I must really care that much for him to be willing give up something that I really liked. That aside, getting to meet him everyday (be it at trainings or after trainings) has been a major reason why I look forward to after-work hours. I think it’s obvious now, how much I adore him. :)

I’m 2 weeks into my internship and it’s so tiring to juggle work and intensive dance trainings like that. If anyone wonders why the hell we put ourselves through this, well, it just gotta be our passion that keeps us going.

the stars must be your light tonight

Since our first date, I've begun to miss him whenever we don’t see each other. I look forward to dance trainings not only because I get to see the dancers, but also because I get to see him. I look forward to his own trainings in particular, because we get to do our partner work together, and I'm secretly happy whenever I look into his eyes when we dance our partner work.

Being with him is easy and comfortable. Being myself around him is effortless, because we have already been friends for a while, and he has seen me in my happy, insane, unglam, sad, bimbotic, bitchy, act-slutty, post-training-sweaty-and-haggard-looking moments. There isn’t a need to put up a front. Knowing this has made it all the more easier for falling fall him.

I’m deeply smitten with him. There are many pleasant emotions that come with say, performing at major concerts, doing well for my 'A' Levels, or having a really great time with my good friends. But there's nothing quite like the feeling of being in love. It is exhilarating and scary at the same time. Exhilarating because it brings me to highs that I’ve not experienced in a long while. It makes me unknowingly smile to myself or skip a step or two when I walk. It makes me feel light-headed and I have no control over that. Scary because it takes a hell lot of courage to let my guard down like that and be vulnerable to getting hurt. I've always thought that it's important to protect myself, but here I am, letting someone so deep into my world. But I believe that he’s a good person.

I've been staying away from relationships for a long time, maybe it's about time to give one a shot again. :)

I should be preparing for my interview now, but let me digress for a while.

It's amazing how things can happen so unexpectedly.

Shiwei and I, we first met when he came to Emix, but we only got to know each other better when I worked with him in his item for Raw. I must admit that at times I felt physically attracted to him, because of the close proximity of the physical contact between us when we danced, and also because he was very charismatic. But I always dismissed it and never let that attraction developed into anything more because he was attached.

Wednesday, 30th December, the Emixers went to club at Butter Factory. Shiwei got high and tipsy, and did and said things to me, that were well, out of the ordinary. After we got home, he apologized for it in an sms and revealed that he liked me, but had always kept it to himself as has was attached. But he thought it was about time he made his feelings toward me known as he had decided to go separate ways from his girlfriend. It took me by surprise, as I thought that after that night, we would just tell each other to forget whatever had happened and be normal. I knew he always doted on me, and he said nice things, but it never occurred to me that he could be interested in me, simply because he was attached, and his girlfriend was very a different person from me.

I've always doted on Shiwei a lot, because he was my partner. Although I did not think of him or miss him when I did not see him, looking back, I think unknowingly I might have been harbouring something for him all along. That night, the attraction I felt towards him was pretty intense (which is why I didn't resist when he held me), and I experienced feelings that I haven't had in a long time. That night at Butter Factory changed many things - it removed the barriers that had held us back from showing our emotions, and it revealed to me emotions that I didn't know exist. I must say the turn of events was sudden, even as I write this, I feel a little breathless when I think about what has happened in the past few days, especially how we have gone from friends to more than friends in the span of a mere few hours.

We went out alone today, and I enjoyed myself with him. Only a few people know how he feels, but they do not know what's going on at my side. Until he sort things out with his girlfriend, I'm keeping quiet about many things, as I do not want to complicate matters, and neither can I be very sure about what's in it for us until he makes a clean break with her. I told him to take time to let things settle down before we take our friendship a step further. I want to take things slow too, for there are many things I want to know about him.

For now, we're getting along well. Here's to the next few weeks ahead.