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Thursday, August 5, 2010

with loving, comes fearing

I know that relationships are unpredictable. We can make promises to always be together, but I'm sure those who have been through relationships know well, how things can change and maybe destroy the relationship altogether. Hence, I always tell myself to take things as they come, treasure my time with him, and not take him for granted. But that doesn't mean I don't fear losing not just my boyfriend, but my very good friend as well.

Right now we're still in our honeymoon period. Things are easy for us, because we have similar lifestyles and interests, we have many mutual friends, and it's very easy for us to see each other often. This summer spent with him has been nothing less than awesome. I especially loved our time in New York, where seeing him just before I slept and when I woke up was so beautiful. I'm afraid that in time to come, our perspectives on life may change, especially when I, or we go out to work. Even without thinking so far ahead, there are other issues like other religious differences, which I think is a potentially huge one in my life. And when the school term starts, I foresee that I'll be very busy with academics, dance, work, and job applications, and I think this is gonna be a source of disagreements for us.

So I know that I may not be his last girlfriend, and this possibility is very real. Occasionally, it leaves me terribly frightened when I think about these things because he's been such a big part of my life and I can't imagine it without him. But I'll continue to love without regrets.

I'm sure I'll live through any heartbreak, but I really, rather not go through one.